Why I love metal

I'm listening to Opeth while makin' dinner and just letting my mind wander; I think of a conversation I had with my dad a few weeks back where he asked what I liked about some of the bands I listen to. Meshuggah, for example; abusively loud, shouted lyrics of which I understand not a word, set to riffs that you'll likely not be able to follow, let alone hum. I didn't have a good answer at the time, but now I do.

I love metal because it's silly. Its inherent silliness brings me happiness. I'll try to explain.

Metal bands seem to consist almost uniformly of supremely talented, technically savvy musicians with range and depth not found in many other genres. They're able to pull off time signatures, riffs and dynamic changes seemingly without fail; they're fucking phenomenal, in other words.

And what do they do with all that talent? Sing about dwarfs on motorcycles fighting elves; or just how fucking awesome Satan is; or about wizards throwing fireballs at dragons; or about how your face is going to be rocked right the fuck off by the end of this song; etc.. It's fucking amazing to see all that talent put towards such silly ends.

To my mind it's kinda like if da Vinci gave the Mona Lisa three boobs and a mohawk; or if Enzo Ferrari designed a three-wheeled race car that could only turn left so you could do fucking AWESOME donuts; or if Gordon Ramsey would only ever serve food shaped like a cock and balls; or if Bruce Lee would only fight while dressed as a clown.

You get the idea; talent and skill that's used to fuck with people is always going to amuse me.

What is religion?

Y'know what religion is? A way for people to be hateful, racist assholes without having to own up to it. A way to steal and lie and kill and never be called on it. A way to rally folks to your horrific causes despite having little more in common than fearing the same fucking people. A way to make ignorance a virtue. A way to stand in the way of progress and peace and be called a saint. A way to claim impossible knowledge, uphold the status quo at any cost, and excuse the most monstrous and heinous of crimes, all the while pretending to be a person of love and compassion. Fuck you, and fuck off.

Fuck you, Mr. Harper

Why are the decisions about the planet's long-term health being made by old fucks who'll be dead before the consequences of their ignorance hit home?

I can think of no more misanthropic act than to eat the future, and that's what we're doing by failing to take serious action against climate change. And yet we've just elected a moron who denies the science because it's just too much reality for his sub-median IQ and religious zealotry. Funny how often those things go together.

I wish there were easy answers, but there aren't. The world's getting hotter, weather's getting more extreme, we're on the cusp of an unsustainable population, and there's little being done about it. We're pitched against mega-corporations whose interests are catered to by bought politicians; we've got active dissemination of misinformation from media outlets whose viewership is either too stupid or lazy to do the research themselves.

I really wish I knew what to do, because I'm truly scared for the future of my country and our planet.

Audition!

I have an audition tomorrow for a part in an upcoming motion picture to be filmed in Michigan. It's directed by Sam Raimi and stars James Franco. The part's small -- I don't know if there'll even be speaking involved -- but I'm excited nonetheless. Could be fun and interesting; could be towering failure given flesh. If nothing else I hope my sure-to-be spectacularly mediocre audition tape makes its way to Youtube.

In all seriousness, if I ever manage to make it big -- HA! -- I'll be sure to delete everything I've ever posted online, because fuck, who needs that kind of baggage. Although I might leave the one about being turned on by the shemale; that's kinda funny.

I was either hugged too much or not nearly enough.

Yesterday I was perusing erotic art and came across a drawing of a "girl" in bondage with what appeared to be, uh, frosting on her lips.

"How quaint and delightful!", I thought. "This shall go in my book of memories."

Then, being the curious bloke that I am, I scrolled down to see the artist's comments on the piece. As it turns out, this was a cropped image! The original was too risque for Deviantart, apparently.

Not one to let such minor inconvenience as a link to an outside forum keep me from appreciating the full grandeur of this masterpiece, I clicked with abandon, and was shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that the full piece revealed that the lovely, comely lass had not, in fact, just enjoyed a delicious cake, but an entire army of semen from a feeding tube. Naughty boy! It also included his erect penis being "milked" for his fellow feminized captives; presumably, anyway, as his cell was but one of many, and they all included the helpful reminder that cleaning was to be done via tongue only.

tl;dr: I came.

This is why I shouldn't forget my medication for days on end.

I wrote a suicide note today, the thinking being that I would have an epiphany, or something like that, if I saw the kinds of things I'd be leaving behind; all the tasks I'd leave undone; why I'd feel it was necessary; etc.. It was therapeutic, somewhat, to let it all out.

So what all did I learn? What great insights into my soul and my future did I see laid bare? To whit: I'm a failure with no ambition, I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself anyway, and I owe everyone around me a lot of money.

Well, fuck, I already knew that. Thanks for nothing, suicide note.

If I may sermonize for a moment...

More than anything else, the situation in Japan is a harsh, stark reminder that our civilization lies upon a knife's edge. Nature is a harsh, fickle mistress, and we are never far from utter destruction.

I say this not to gloat, but to remind everyone -- myself included -- not to take the conveniences and amenities of modern living for granted lest we become complacent. Our privilege can be revoked in the most brutal ways possible, to put it mildly.

My heart goes out to those who've lost loved ones in this tragedy.