On hope.

Today I have taken what I hope to be the last first step towards mental health. I am committed to staying with this therapy for as long as it takes, and I am willing to put in every effort necessary to ensure that I won't relapse into despair and self-mutilation.

I am tired of feeling like a bystander in my own life. I am tired of feeling anger towards that which I can't control, and dealing with it in self-destructive ways. I am tired of feeling mistrustful of those who want to help. I'm tired of living inside my head, away from the real world. I'm tired of being a failure. I'm tired of letting my family down. I'm tired of letting myself down.

Most of all, however, I am tired trying to drag everyone down instead of trying to raise myself up. Clownshoes cliche, I know, but I'm sick of the easy way out. I need help, and I'm getting it, regardless of what it takes.